If Only
by talentedgemx
Summary: Set sometime in Season 6, Holly comes back and seeks out Gail and well, a conversation ensues and emotions are involved. In my opinion these two belong together and I'd like something like this to happen. Romance/fluff/bit of angst *sigh* Golly forever. One-shot.


_Hey I know this isn't Admissions but I had it in my head and had to get it down. Can but hope!_

_Normal service with Admissions will resume shortly._

_Enjoy :)_

* * *

Holly stood there anxiously, a nervous clattering going on in her chest. Echoing inside her mind. Her breaths were coming to her sharply and she stumbled over them, her lower lip now tender as her teeth plagued it just as apprehensively, her fingers tapping against her thighs at every other moment. She was plagued all of a sudden by whether this was the right thing to do. Whether all this should be opened up again. No matter how firmly she had come to the decision previously, now she was here she was doubtful but it was probably just nerves. Giant, heaving nerves pulling at her mind. Fragmenting her resolve. They made her want to leave, to just forget it but she wouldn't. She was here; she would do this. She had to. She had to try.

Holly cleared her throat, as sticky as it felt. She was honestly scared having absolutely no idea what she was walking into, nor did she know how she would be received. Gone were her flimsy reports she had carried twice previously into situations like this in order to get her there safely, with some kind of back up excuse in case she bottled it. Now though, she had nothing. Just herself and no backup plan whatsoever.

About a million times her hands had run through her hair and adjusted her jacket as it lay heavily across her shoulders. She felt it rubbing at her neck and it was distracting, as were her fingers that felt exceptionally antsy with the adrenaline she knew was pumping through them close to hyper speed. The deep breaths she was pushing out every few minutes weren't helping either but then she supposed, nothing could. She knew nothing would help to calm her nerves as she hadn't been calm on the flight over yesterday, nor on the drive over to 15 this afternoon. Even though the time was fast approaching where she'd know one way or the other, her future decided in an instant there was no way she'd be calm. Not until she saw her and not until she said what she wanted to say.

In fact Holly knew she hadn't been calm since she decided to do this. Excited sort of at the same time, but also pessimistic. But mostly she just felt sick and scared out of her skin. She had been standing in the same place for twenty minutes and she honestly didn't think she'd be able to keep it all in for much longer, not without seeing her. She took a deep breath for the hundredth time and turned on the spot, shaking her hands out for want of anything better to do with them. The best of it was, though, Holly didn't really do nerves. Not really, it wasn't in her makeup. Usually nothing and nobody made her nervous, except of course for Gail Peck. Gail Peck and this kind of scenario. Holly rolled her eyes; it was ridiculous.

But it had just been far too long, and far too hard and Holly would be damned if she was going to let another second pass by without trying to take control of this part of her life. She wouldn't hide behind her career any longer. She wouldn't let it make life decisions for her. This time, she wasn't going to listen to her brain.

Holly spun on her heel and tilted her head to the ceiling, closing her eyes as she sighed deeply. Her head was spinning and she heard her heartbeat loud in her ears. She wished Gail would just turn up already. Even if she said no, at least she would get to see her. At least she would be able to _tell_ her. At least then Gail would know.

Holly had managed to blag her way into the station, reportless though she was. Name dropping Detective Peck and Nash helped, and of course she knew enough forensic jargon to confuse anyone and now she was milling around the corridors like she had done before, just waiting for her chance. She rounded a corner where it was a little less busy, just off the main corridor and she leaned her back against the wall, her hands delving deep into her jacket pockets as her left leg came up so the soul of her foot was flat against it, too. She pushed out a final breath, the fluttering she felt everywhere refusing to settle no matter how much she told it to and then she heard her. Quietly at first but then louder as she assumed, Gail was walking down the corridor towards her.

Holly didn't move though, save for her head lolling in the direction of Gail's voice as if somehow it froze her in place. As if those few words flooded her senses and made her suddenly numb. Somehow the fluttering inside did cease. Her nerves kind of dissipated and the smile Holly felt edge across her face warmed her and it was the most pleasurable thing she had felt in eight months. Her body tingled all over and a warmth spread within her like she hadn't experienced since the last time she saw her, since the last time she kissed her. It was all she wanted and Holly instantly knew she had made the right choice.

"No, Duncan. No." Gail stopped mid step and turned to her rookie, his eyes wide and clueless, just as they always were and for a moment Gail considered not saying anything to him at all. The guy never learnt, so what would be the point? She shook her head though, thinking better of it. Her hand was paused mid-air at his chest, her eyes cutting him deep, her face practically sardonic.

"What?" Duncan shrugged. "I did what you told me-"

"No," she spat, her eyes even more icy than they normally were, her lips however entertaining a slight, menacing smile. "See, if you did what I told you to you would have asked that innocent bystander questions, not assault him by throwing him against the wall."

"You told me to frisk him."

"Quiz him." Gail took a step closer to Duncan who in turn, took a step back. Even though he was taller than her, he found himself shrinking somehow, under her penetrative glare. She whispered at him forcefully. "Duncan. _Quiz_ him."

Duncan averted his eyes and shrugged. "Well I thought you said frisk-"

Gail threw her hands in the air and almost growled. She couldn't believe how stupid this guy was. "I don't even understand how you can get those words confused." She screwed up her face. "They're not even similar." She started walking again down the hall.

Duncan reluctantly caught her up. "Well, see, you weren't being clear…"

Gail stopped dead in her tracks and glared at him, her eyes like slits, her shoulders hunched. He carried on walking for a second before he realised she'd stopped. He then turned to her, a sheepish shadow falling across him.

She went to fire a million things at him, her face a mass of frustration but she stopped herself. Instead she thought about how the best way to get through to this witless idiot was. He was literal, obviously, but then he clearly only heard what he wanted to hear. He would act rather than ask questions, even if instructions weren't clear and he stood there making excuses, never owning up to anything unless he was about to get blown up in a car. He was like a child. A child with no common sense.

Gail sighed, again and rolled her eyes. She turned and carried on walking deciding to save it for her report. "What's your idea of frisk anyway?"

Duncan looked at her. "Frisk, you know. Search someone."

"And that involves throwing them against a wall and pulling their hands behind their back?"

"He was resisting…"

"A frisking?" Gail actually laughed at that. Her lips erupting into a wide smile. "He was resisting a frisking?"

Around the corner Holly turned to mush. She was certain her knees were giving out, her lop-sided smile falling completely off the side of her face. She loved that laugh. She missed it. She missed being the cause of it.

"Boss you didn't hear what he said to me."

Gail carried on laughing. "Duncan he said nothing to you-"

"He did!" Duncan scratched the side of his head. "You weren't close enough to hear but he did-"

"Well if it was something like, 'Get the hell off me you stupid, incompetent police officer', then I'm on his side."

"No, boss…"

Gail stopped walking again and turned around fully so she was facing Duncan head on. She held her hand up to stop him speaking. She raised her voice and didn't care who heard. "Silence rookie." Her patience really was wearing thin. "You kind of know me, a little, don't you Duncan?"

Duncan became timid, having no idea where this was going. His eyes scanned the corridor but the intense expression on Gail's face drew him back in. "Um, yes."

"Yes what?!" Gail fumed.

"Yes boss."

Gail rolled her eyes. "I don't care about your breeding, you know that. I don't even care about mine-"

"I know," he nodded quickly and then shut up as she eyed him furiously for interrupting her.

"Don't speak," she said calmly, her tone just as icy as her eyes. "Lots of shit has happened to me in this job, as it will happen to you." She brought her index finger up and held it between them before pointing at him with it. She became momentarily distracted. "A lot of shit things have happened to me outside of this job, because of this job, do you understand?"

He just nodded quickly.

"You need to listen harder, ask more questions. Always question, Duncan. Question everything."

"I'm allowed to question you?"

She paused, glaring at him. "I told you not to speak," she sighed, not sure any of this was getting through. Why would it? Nothing anyone had tried before ever worked with him. But she wouldn't be defeated, not anymore. She was determined to succeed with something, if only it was with officer Moore. "But yes, question my instructions if they seem weird to you." She stopped as she thought about that, and then she revised. "Question me even if they don't seem weird. It'll make you into a better police officer, even if it might drive me insane. Be sure of everything. Every decision you make, because it might be your last."

Duncan got a bit confused. "Are you talking about the job now, boss?"

She stepped back from him and lessened the severity of her gaze. She turned away and there was a certain honesty in her tone. A vacant truth that belonged to something she didn't want to talk about but lived there nonetheless. Somewhere at the edge of her sentiment. "Just remember what I said."

Gail stopped. Dead. Absolutely dead in her tracks. She felt like she was looking at a ghost and she had to blink to make sure she was seeing correctly. And then she blinked again, and again. It was clear, she wasn't a ghost. She was there and Gail felt faint. The lump in her throat suddenly mountainous.

"Hey," Holly said, now standing about a yard or so from Gail having come out from her hiding place while she was putting Duncan in his place.

Gail couldn't move. Her face was stuck, she was sure. Her eyes refusing to believe it. Eventually though, a whisper fell from her lips. "Holly," she returned, her expression and body language suddenly as soft as it had been in a very long time but then she knew, her defenses never really worked where Holly was concerned. Gail felt her heartbeat stop, her muscles tense and then un-tense. It was like her breath was gone from her and everything may as well have disappeared. All she could see was Holly, not the corridor around them and certainly not the people walking past them. In that moment all that mattered was this. That _she_ was here, after everything that happened recently she was actually there, and Gail felt her heart almost cry with it.

Holly smiled, a little, somewhat awestruck by the effect she clearly still had on her ex. She saw a host of emotions flicker over Gail's face and just as quickly they were gone but something lingered there. She felt like Gail wanted to come to her, to actually touch her to make sure she was real and in that moment Holly wished she had gone to Gail's house instead. Waited for her there or perhaps even at The Penny rather than in this formal setting but this was always the place where Holly went to Gail, to make a grand gesture so this is where they were. Holly took a tentative step forward and Gail's eyes lit up.

"Holly?" Duncan suddenly asked as it came back to both of them that he was still standing there. He looked at Gail. "Damn boss, and you let her get away?"

That pulled her out of it, if only for a moment and Gail glared at him once more. "Did I say you could speak?"

This time Duncan looked straight at Holly who was grinning although her attention had dropped to the floor. "But boss-"

Gail stepped right into his personal space. "Reports. Go, now!"

Duncan stayed glued to the spot.

"Duncan!"

"Alright," he conceded, his eyes meeting hers and he saw the fury raging away in them. He prayed it was all for him. His new training officer never spoke about Holly but he knew, as did the rest of 15 how much Gail felt for her, and how much regret she had for what happened even though he didn't quite know what that was. Duncan suspected a large amount of the anger that always resided below the surface of Gail Peck stemmed from the day Holly left for San Francisco. Or at least that was the popular opinion among 15 Division. He took another look at Holly and then high tailed it down the corridor.

Gail frowned after him, her mind falling back into work mode. She shut her eyes. "And don't write what you think happened," she shouted. "Only what _did_ happen."

Holly looked at Duncan as he walked past her and he afforded her a sideways smirk. She tilted her head at his confident strut and raised an eyebrow, gathering from his body language and what she overheard of their conversation that Gail must have her work cut out for her. "He seems like a handful," she smiled as she turned back to Gail and it was all she could do to stop her heart from pounding clear out of her chest. Her thought about Duncan immediately forgotten.

In a second Gail was vulnerable, her eyes wide and her brow a little creased. Her lips were slightly parted and it registered on Holly just as it had before. That look from her bathroom floor when Gail first cut off her hair. Those imploring eyes that reached out to her, staring up at her as Holly sat on the edge of her bathtub, cutting away at those final few strands. It was just like that and Holly's breath caught in her throat. Sticking there like glue.

It was everything like it was before although Holly could tell Gail was carrying something else, too. She could see it, as it reflected back at her in Gail's eyes. Holly felt a pain in her chest and she looked over her, assessing her. Remembering what it was like to touch her. That slightly ruffled short blond hair. The way she wore that uniform. The pale blue of her eyes and the way her tongue lightly darted over her bottom lip. Holly felt it as if she was touching her, her eyes somehow becoming sensory across this short distance that felt bigger than what it was. It was ignited, though, the yard or so and it fizzed and sizzled between them, waiting to explode.

There was confusion too, colouring every inch of Gail's face. That beautiful, beautiful face. There was uncertainty and disbelief. It was prominent and finally it made Holly smile even though it was likely inappropriate but somehow it seemed to relieve the tension. She was certain she saw Gail falter a little too and an edge lifted as Holly's shoulders relaxed and she felt it everywhere, and suddenly she had no idea why she hadn't come sooner.

Gail didn't know what to do. She smiled as Holly did and then she curbed it. She fidgeted and then she fidgeted some more. She took a deep breath and tried to exhale the shock she felt, the surprise. The elation, really. The joy but then she had no idea really, what was going on. She swallowed and she felt something scratch in her throat. Her words maybe. Words that she struggled with anyway that probably wouldn't make any kind of sense.

"Why uhh," Gail tried, feeling like she should say something. She couldn't handle how dreamily Holly was looking at her, even if it was the very thing she had been dreaming of ever since she left. She swallowed again and it hurt. Then her brow furrowed, a little. "What are you doing here?"

Holly's hands were still in her pockets and the tips of her index and middle fingers were running along the nails of her thumbs. Her jacket was long and it clung to her, hugged her frame appreciatively but now it was making her feel hot.

Holly was expecting the question but now it was here she felt a little lost with her answer. Almost like she had too much to say but she didn't want to sound like a rambling idiot as soon as she started talking. Although she suspected she would. She looked at her feet for a second and knew Gail probably wouldn't care about that. It was one of things Gail liked so much about her, after all. Her millions of words when just a few would do.

Holly felt the tug at the edge of her lips. She had just turned up out of the blue after all and in their eight months apart they had only text each other a handful of times. Nothing intimate, considering how they _did_ know each other intimately. Nothing even overly friendly. Holly knew it was best that way but it didn't help with how much she missed her. Holly was sure she might've missed her less if they had continued to be friends but then she supposed that would only have hurt more. Especially if Gail started dating someone else…

Holly hoped she wasn't. "I wanted to see you," she said all of a sudden, deciding direct honesty was the best way to go. The nerves were back, beating on the door to her chest. "I need to talk to you."

Gail didn't know what she was feeling. Or thinking. Or seeing if she was being truthful. She thought this might be a dream, a hallucination or something because really, a lot of things had gone wrong for her lately and this would just be the icing on the cake for her to wake up or something, and have Holly disappear from her once more. To have this moment not actually happen. That Gail thought, would probably kill her and she tried not to think about it. She swallowed involuntarily as she felt an ice cold shiver claim her. She coughed a little and raised one eyebrow as she peered up at Holly from beneath it. A look of subtle disbelief on her face. "Talk?"

Holly bit her lip. "Yeah. Can we?"

Gail's first reaction was to shrug and she wished she hadn't afterward, but it was too late. Of course she wanted to talk. Or hear Holly talk, at least. She was sure she would listen to her for hours. She longed to hear her babble again, to have Holly's soft tones and gentle lilt assault her ear drums just like it used to. Honestly she had dreamed about it as soon Holly left, all those months ago. She had fantisised about shutting her up with a kiss one more time and now here she was. Back and as large as life with her sexy librarian glasses and long cascading locks that bounced against her shoulders as her head moved when she talked. Standing in the corridor at 15 wanting to talk.

It was like before, Gail thought, and each time this happened Holly had melted her, won her over with the person she was. With her concerned words and demanding lips. She felt another shiver only it was a warm one this time. A very warm one and it surged through her like a prickly heat.

"I know you're probably busy but-"

"No," Gail said a little too quickly, and then she smiled as she tried to settle the sudden racing of her heart. "I mean I am but, well I mean…" she really didn't have any idea where that sentence was going. She grinned. "I mean if we stay here we'll have an audience soon."

Holly's lips fell into her side-ways smirk and Gail thought she might faint. She had to catch herself as she felt herself slipping oh so easily back into everything she felt before, but who knew the real reason why Holly was back. It could be for any number of things and Gail knew it wouldn't do her any good to let herself fall so easily so she tried to zip it up. To hold it in. To keep herself at this professional distance.

_Oh who the fuck are you kidding?_

Gail felt a rising heat flare at the base of her neck and she motioned quickly down the corridor. "He'll be telling everyone you're here."

"Oh," Holly breathed, still smiling.

Gail turned her head and saw a door to her left. She gestured toward it. "In here," she said and didn't wait for an answer. Gail just opened the door and disappeared inside.

* * *

The familiarity of the interrogation rooms at 15 made Holly's palms sweat. The memories of the previous two occasions she had found herself inside one made a vivid reappearance and she had to close her eyes to try and push the images away. What she wanted to say to Gail was emotive enough without those kisses lingering in her mind. Her skin prickled all the same though, the shiver she felt erupting down her spine an all too real one.

"So?" Gail asked, a hell of a lot more sharply than what she intended. She perched herself on the edge of the desk and her hands were clasped in her lap. She knew she sounded brisk, a little too formal and direct but she didn't know how else to deal with it. The only thing she could concentrate on was calming the havoc in her chest, deep in her gut and she didn't even want to acknowledge what was going on between her legs. Not at all and she even shook her head to make certain. The level of anxiety she felt everywhere was off the chart, crawling through every inch of her veins. She had no idea why Holly was able to turn her world upside down like this and if she was honest, she could really do without it. Not that she didn't want to see her. Not that she wasn't over the moon but what happened with Sophie had left her overwrought and that was only a few weeks ago. Gail just couldn't deal with anymore disappointment. Anymore heartbreak. Holly coming back and then leaving again would certainly be that. She knew it would be and she was sure she wouldn't be able to handle it.

Holly leaving once was bad enough. She would never forget it, the way Holly turned and walked away from her. Even though it was mutual. Even though they both decided it was for the best. It was the most heart wrenching breakup Gail had ever been through and they weren't even properly together at the time. They weren't even properly together very long full stop. Gail quickly closed her eyes, squeezing back the moisture she felt gathering at the corners, now just under her lids. She sucked in a breath and tried to ignore it. Tried to not remember it. She had dealt with it, now she had to deal with this.

Gail felt her chest contract but she tried to hide it. She did it well and if Holly noticed she didn't make any indication of it.

Holly's hands came out of her pockets and they gestured in front of her, much like the first time they were in an interrogation room and Gail just watched her. Just like she had then, too. Holly looked at her and then her forehead creased. She frowned and looked away, her lips pausing as if she was changing her mind with what she wanted to say.

Inside Holly was a wreck. She felt herself shake and she could hear her pulse everywhere, her hands however remained loyal to her and didn't display her nerves. She bit the bullet. "I made a mistake."

She said it as simply as that and Gail didn't quite understand, her expression indicating as much and then there was silence which Gail understood even less. Holly's demeanour quickly changed from what it was in the corridor, from what it was when they first came into the room. She suddenly seemed unsure and Gail was still reeling from seeing her in the corridor in the first place and now especially, from those four simple words.

"A mistake?" Gail echoed, and then she slowly moved her head to the side, her eyes however remaining fixed on Holly.

Holly looked at her, her eyes worried and then she looked away. She started pacing, as gentle as it was. She felt the tiny beads of perspiration on her brow, at the back of her neck and she quickly brought the back of her hand up to swipe across her forehead. "Yeah," she swallowed, her tone now low. "A big mistake."

Gail just stayed silent and waited for her to carry on talking.

Holly was jittery. As jittery as she could ever remember being in her life. It amazed her how once more she found herself in front of this stoic blonde with a stumble in her tone, her words shaky in her throat. Here she was again; an interrogation room, Gail in uniform staring at her as if she was some crazy fool. Maybe she was, Holly didn't care but she knew she had to get the words out before she chickened out altogether. "I shouldn't have left. It was the wrong thing to do."

Gail was full on frowning now, a rebuttal caught just on her lips. Her brain had to force it out, kick it over her teeth. "But, I thought... It was your choice."

Holly turned to her side unable to look at her. Unable to see the stack of questions piling up in Gail's eyes. "I know," and her hands were talking with her. Palms flat out in front of her as her fingers balled occasionally, before spreading back out before her. "It's just, I've been career minded my entire life. It's the one thing I know I can achieve and I know how to get there. I know I can accomplish whatever it is I want to accomplish… I have career goals and I don't falter when going for them." She sighed. "I've always been like it. With my career I'm very determined."

Gail knew this already. She knew how focused Holly was and that's honestly why she didn't beg her to stay. Well, that and dignity. Her eyebrows went up, a slight smile touching her lips despite it all. "You'd so get on with my mother."

Holly looked at her then, a battle it seemed going on across her features. Her eyes met Gail's for a moment and then she turned away again, almost as if she didn't hear her. "Then San Francisco came up and it was a really good opportunity-"

"I know it was." Gail's tone was soft, she could see how much Holly was struggling. She felt like she should help her. "I know why you couldn't pass it up."

Holly didn't want that, though. She didn't want acceptance and forgiveness for leaving behind the person she loved for the next paygrade. To be a little further up the forensic foodchain. That wasn't why she was here. She smiled a little pessimistically as she considered the next thing she wanted to say. Her back straightened a little, too. "I honestly thought you might come with me."

That made Gail feel bad. She went to protest.

Holly shrugged. "It was a stupid thing to expect."

Then Gail went to protest again. It wasn't stupid. She may have even gone, if it hadn't been for Sophie.

Holly stopped pacing and looked at the wall. Her head tilting back just slightly. "I just had no idea you were planning on doing that…" she trailed off as the knuckle of her thumb rubbed against her forehead, then her hands found her pockets once more. "…To adopt." She shrugged. "It didn't even occur to me."

Gail's shoulders were slumped. She felt a little battered. This couldn't be the reason Holly was back. To go over this, they already had. At the time. "Holly…"

She turned to Gail. "But it was too late. I'd already accepted the job and thinking about it now and since," she took a step closer, her hands gesturing out to her sides however much her pockets would allow. She shook her head. "It was just stupid."

"It wasn't." Gail got up from the desk. She didn't understand why Holly was bringing all this back up. She took a step closer as well but there was still a distance between them. A manageable one. "I understood why you went," but she felt herself start to well up. The pain was still there, even though it was all those months ago and seeing Holly still upset about it did something to her. It was clear Holly still cared, obvious she still had feelings and it honestly made Gail feel good, even though the last thing she wanted was for Holly to be upset. Gail looked away and took a breath. "I understand why it ended."

"But it shouldn't have. I should have stayed."

It hit her like a tonne of bricks. Like she had been winded. As if her chest was collapsing and every ounce of air was desperate to escape. Gail stared at her, not believing she was saying these words. Still not believing she was actually here. It was surreal to her and she had no idea how to respond.

Holly broke the silence by turning away again. "Or come back sooner, or something." She walked to the corner of the room and then back again. "I should have been a part of your life so I knew what you were considering. So that you'd have told me about it, at least-"

"Holly I was always going to try and adopt Sophie. I would've wanted that regardless-"

"I know." Holly nodded, as if that was a given. "I know. I'm not saying you did anything wrong. I just mean if I'd have known I probably wouldn't have just accepted the move. If I'd have known you definitely wouldn't be able to come, I mean."

Gail backed off a bit. Her lungs sucking in a few breaths as if they suddenly realised they had been lacking. This conversation was all getting a little too much. A little too heavy. A little too full of what if's but Gail couldn't help but latch on to them. Every little shred of the _something_ Holly was giving her. Gail had been alone for eight months. No dates, no anyone special. There was no one special at all, not since Holly left. All there had been was Sophie and Gail's desire to adopt but that had fallen through, just like everything else in Gail's life and now this, well. This was just everything and far too much all at once.

The emotion was clear in Gail's eyes and then her expression crumbled. It cracked and her very soul showed through the gaps. It was in the quiver of her lip. The hitch of her chest. "Really?"

Holly took another step forward, wanting nothing more than to hold Gail in her arms but she couldn't. Not just yet. "Gail I wake up every day, wishing I was waking up with you." She looked away, her head bowing as she watched her toe battling the concrete floor. "I thought it would go away, you know." She lifted her head up again, "But six months into San Francisco I realised it wasn't going to. I realised I left the best person I ever met back here, and I realised I didn't try hard enough to keep her."

Gail couldn't hold it all in. She closed her eyes and turned around, her face angling toward the ceiling. She had to fiercely fight with herself not to fall apart. She was conflicted. All she wanted was to fall back into Holly's arms and have her tell her everything would be okay, but she couldn't help but think about the timing. Would Holly be here if she _had_ adopted Sophie? Would she be saying these words then? Would her sentiment still be the same?

Gail found the far wall of the interrogation room and leaned against it, her arms folding over her chest. She swallowed again and her throat felt absolutely raw. "You know I got refused, don't you?" Her voice was quiet, not accusatory, not bitter or mean. She just had to know if Holly knew.

Holly approached the desk in the middle of the room and her fingers found out the surface, touching it lightly as she spoke. "Yes I know," she responded, her tone just as quiet as Gail's, if not a little gentler.

Gail felt on the brink; tears brimming in her eyes. "Is it a reason why you're back?"

Holly held Gail's gaze for a second before she looked down to the table. Her head shook a little. "I decided to come back two months ago," she started, her eyes finding Gail's again. "This was just the first time I could get here. I didn't want to call you or text you in case…well…" and then she rounded the table. "I just had to see you. I needed to tell you in person. Gail I came for you. Regardless of the format."

Gail's brow was still creased and Holly wasn't sure if it was in confusion or if she just didn't believe her.

Holly just shrugged. "One kid, no kids. Three kids. Gail I came back here for you. I want to be with you." Her voice shook on her last few words as she tried to inject as much meaning into them as she possibly could. This was her speech and she really couldn't gauge how it was going, whether it was working or whether she was just making a fool of herself. But she didn't care, it was all or nothing. "I love you, Gail," and her voice cracked with the admission, her gentle tones turning into a whisper. "I fell in love with you and God knows I tried to get over you but…" and then she stopped. The rest of that sentence retreating as she turned away, her hand finding her forehead as she pulled her glasses off, trying to compose herself.

Gail though was all in. She stepped forward, desperate to hear the rest of it. "But what?" she asked, her pitch all kinds of high. The anticipation clawing away at her edges.

Holly looked to the floor. Her glasses now abandoned on the table. "No one's you, Gail," she sighed with a simple shrug of her shoulders. She looked up as her eyes found Gail's and then she just smiled. "No one will ever be you."

Gail melted. Completely and utterly. She felt torn apart and was certain Holly had absolutely no idea how much she needed her. How much she needed to hear this and how much in her wildest dreams she never thought this would ever happen. That she hadn't even dared to dream it. She didn't think she would ever be alone in the same room again with this women who in such a short amount of time had come to mean so much to her, yet here she was doing it to her all over again.

Gail felt her throat do something and it was such an expression of emotion she very nearly choked on it. She felt truly undone as everything she felt for Holly in those few months they were together to the heartache of trying to win her back to Holly finally leaving her just all erupted upwards. It came out in a strangled breath and she tried to hide behind her hands.

Holly couldn't stand it any longer and she strode toward Gail, in one swift motion taking her in her arms and holding her as tight as she possibly could. Gail moved her hands and immediately buried herself into Holly's neck, her own hands slipping around Holly's waist and removing any inch of space there was between them.

It was so comforting and all at once so familiar Gail just couldn't believe she had lasted this long without it. Without having Holly there to catch her and hold her tight when things were going wrong. Just as she had after the Ford shootings, just as she held her in the hospital waiting room and then later on in Holly's shower. Gail knew right then if Holly were to stay, she'd never let her go again.

"I'm sorry about Sophie," Holly soothed in Gail's ear, her lips so painstakingly close to Gail's skin it practically made her shake. Holly sighed as her fingers pushed into the shoulders of Gail's puffy uniform jacket, trying as she could to feel her through all the layers of material.

"Mmmm," Gail sighed in return. Her breathing all of a sudden easier as she let the moment sink in. She felt the tenseness in her muscles dissipate and a subtle relaxation seemed to settle over her, the distress from the last eight months somehow seeming to lessen. The pain and the disappointment of watching everything she wanted just walk away from her as she was powerless to stop it simply seemed not quite as bad.

Not now she had this.

Holly's arms tightened around her and Gail moulded their bodies together as if they had never been apart. She felt the emotion stain her cheeks as Holly's hands rubbed across her back and all she could feel was relief. Like a burden was lifting and although it didn't make up for everything because nothing could wipe away the image of Sophie's aunt leading her away on that final visiting day, nor could it erase the memory of Holly leaving her forever and as much as both of those were forever ingrained in her mind this somehow, magically did. Gail felt it heal her a little and she thought for the first time in a long time she might actually be okay. As long as Holly meant it. As long as she was here to stay.

"You have the biggest heart of anyone I know, Gail Peck."

Gail let out a noise like she didn't believe her, or didn't want to at least. She just buried her head further into Holly's neck and relished in the fact that she felt the same. She smelt the same. Her hair was all kinds of comforting as Gail nuzzled into it at Holly's shoulder, just like it was before. "Yeah whatever," she murmured, her eyes still closed as she just breathed in every last inch of her.

Holly grinned. "It's true." She ran her hand up to the back of Gail's neck, pausing for a second before she carried on up into her hair. The way it felt between her fingers was amazing, just how she remembered it only better. Probably a thousand times better. Holly sighed and she felt a familiar spark alight along her insides. It was kind of magnetic, as if they were each other's poles. It was the best feeling ever. "It's why I missed you so much."

"Oh really?"

Holly pulled back a little, "Yes, really-"

Gail pulled back too and then she kissed her, quickly before Holly could get another word in. It wasn't passionate or intense, just slow and languid like an intimate rediscovery, their lips lingering together in a timeless moment, both of them holding onto it like it was precious.

After a long moment they pulled apart, and the smile that touched the corner of Holly's mouth was enough to remind Gail why she fell for her in the first place.

"I take it you're not seeing anyone, then?" Holly breathed out, her hands remaining firmly against Gail's back. Relishing in their touch.

Gail scraped her bottom lip through her teeth as she tried not to focus too much on everything that one gentle kiss stirred inside her. "Oh damn," she quipped, doing that familiar deflecting thing. "I forgot about her."

Holly squeezed her hips knowing exactly what Gail was doing. Holly raised a brow. "Well I hate to tell you this, but if you forgot about her as soon as I showed up you probably don't care about her all that much."

Gail shrugged. "Well I like to keep my options open."

Holly hoped Gail was kidding but she wanted to be sure. The raging emotions in her chest were clouding her better judgement. "So how much of an option are… they?"

Gail thought about it. "Depends."

"On?"

"How long you're back for."

Then Holly knew. She felt relieved even though she knew Gail was only teasing her. She let out a long satisfied sigh as her fingers slowly moved up to Gail's shoulders, down along the edge of her arms and then back up again before trying to trace out the curve of her spine through the thickness of her jacket. "I told you, I'm back here for you."

There was silence for a moment. Gail was suddenly struck by having to make a choice. What if she wasn't ready to jump back in, would Holly just leave? She stumbled and her tone reduced to a whisper. "What if I say no?"

Holly's brow creased a little as she considered it. She didn't want to push but at the same time she knew what she wanted. She understood what Gail was saying, though, and she was careful to keep it light. "Well then I'm just going to have to win you over again, aren't I? Take you to the batting cages. Kiss you in a cloakroom."

Gail grinned and she absolutely knew she loved her. Through and through. As if there had ever been any kind of doubt. She pulled her fingers back around Holly's sides to her front and they started playing with the hem of Holly's top. "I can do without the batting cages."

Holly just pulled her closer, an easy smile claiming her expression. "Mm?"

"But the cloakroom I'm happy to repeat."

Holly leaned in and just kissed her, her hands sliding up to Gail's neck as her fingers rested at either side of Gail's face, just along her jaw. Her lips now a little more hungry and Gail kissed just as heavily in return. It was everything either of them needed.

After a few moments Holly's broke it, her teeth teasing at Gail's bottom lip. "And how about making up in interrogation rooms?" she asked, her tone completely husky.

Gail sighed, remembering just how good Holly tasted, and just how much she missed this as soon as she was without it. Her fingers tightened on Holly's hips. "That would be good too."

Holly nodded, her eyes fluttering closed as she felt Gail's fingers tugging at her belt loops. "How about we do it right this time?" she breathed, her chest all shaky as she anticipated the next kiss, feeling Gail's lips coming back in closer, their bodies moving together almost instinctively.

Gail swallowed heavily, knowing this was it. Knowing no matter how slowly they took it, no matter have carefully they trod this was definitely, completely, it. "Right?" she asked, a little disorientated. She blamed the heat of Holly's breath across her lips.

"Yeah," Holly swallowed, grasping at her last shred of composure. "Without the misunderstandings. Without the unnecessary time apart."

Gail grinned, understanding completely. "Are you talking about when I didn't return your calls or when you left the country for eight months?"

The smile gradually found its way across Holly's face. She licked her lips, sensing Gail was about to kiss her and feeling the sensation already, absolutely everywhere. "How about both."

Gail was just happy. As happy as she could remember being in a long time and so she moved forwards and captured Holly's lips and it all just settled over her. How right this was and how much she would do just anything to make it work this time. She wrapped her arms around Holly's shoulders as she leaned their foreheads together. "I'm very okay with that," she said in a whisper before she kissed her again only this time a little more forcefully. This time a little more demanding as her hand came up to find its way into Holly's hair, to feel the skin at the back of her neck.

"Good," she sort of heard Holly murmur into her mouth but it was lost on both of them. Swallowed and forgotten about as all either of them wanted was to get lost in the kiss.

* * *

_Just a one-shot guys. Thanks for reading._


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